I’ve talked to countless people about Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages over the years, but I never picked up a copy until recently. What a mistake that was. This book is full of excellent advice on how to express love for your husband or wife.
The premise behind The 5 Love Languages is that we each have ways we best receive love. Dr. Chapman calls these “Love Languages.” In our marriage, when we learn the love language of our spouse, and express our love to them through their primary love language, our relationship prospers. He calls this “Filling the Love Tank.” When the love tank gets empty, the relationship suffers. But as we are mindful to keep the love tank filled up, the relationship caries on in good health.
Dr. Chapman identifies 5 primary love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch. He explains how we can identify the love language of our spouse, and also how to discover our own love language.
One of the strongest statements in the book, one Dr. Chapman makes again and again, is that “love is a choice.” We choose to speak or serve or act for our loved one’s benefit. Feelings, even the emotional feeling we so often describe as love, rise and fall. The love that holds a marriage together, and makes it work, is about choosing to love your spouse.
As I was reading The 5 Love Languages, I found myself making notes for myself and Kristi. She’s definitely a Quality Time person. She enjoys spending time with those she cares about. I want to be mindful of her love language by dedicating time to her and by creating opportunities for meaningful time together.
I’m a Word’s of Affirmation guy. I appreciate her kind words to me. Quality Time and Words of Affirmation are just part of the way we adore each other. The 5 Love Languages is an excellent book to help discover ways to bless your spouse and be blessed by them.
I recommend this to couples of all ages. It’s never too early or too late to learn how to be a better partner in marriage.